Myths of Parenting

Today's devotion was too good not to share. I found that it particularly hit close to home for me, and two of my main struggles as a father. 

Two myths of parenting:
(1) Good parents always keep tidy homes.
(2) Good parents must always be "right".

Seeing Messes

This weekend I will celebrate 12 wonderful years of marriage to my wife. Each year that passes I feel that we grow closer together as we share in the highs and lows of marriage, parenthood, and life. And, while I feel that we have a great marriage and a unity in our marriage, there is one thing that we greatly differ on. We do not see messes the same way! 

When I enter a room, I see the clutter - clothing, toys, and everything that is out of its place - in the room. Likewise, when I enter a room, I see the dirt - crumbs, dust, cobwebs  in the room. Now, when this clutter or dirt is someone else's home, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as if it were in my own home. When this clutter or dirt is in my home, I cannot relax until it is cleaned up. This has proven to be a problem in the past, as you can imagine. 

For years this was a point of contention between my wife and I in our home. I would enter the house after a day of work and immediately begin to pick up and to clean up the house - not just one room, but every room. Why? Because it bothered me and I knew that I would not be able to relax until it was completed. My wife would say, "just come and sit down and relax". But I can't, this mess has to be cleaned up. 

(Let me pause here and clarify that our home is not a mess. Our home hasn't really been a mess in the 12 years that we have shared a home together. So when I write that it is a "mess" understand what I mean is that there is a smudge on the window, a doll on the floor, toothpaste in the sink, or a  couple popcorn kernels on the floor.)

As I wrote before, for years this was a point of contention between my wife and I in our home. However, one day we both realized something about our spouse. She realized that I do not mind cleaning, I somewhat enjoy it (more than the cleaning itself, I enjoy the final - clean - result). She came to the understanding that I enjoy cleaning and that it not only helps me relax, it also helps me release the stress that I have acquired throughout the day. And what I realized about her is that she she does not see messes in the same way that I do. In fact, to my wife it's not a mess.

My eyes were opened to the fact that my wife's eyes see Inge differently.

So, when my eyes see the mess, what is she seeing? She is seeing the handprints of our 14-month-old on the picture window and remembering that she stood there this morning yelling "bye bye" as I pulled out of the driveway. She is seeing the doll that our 9-year old held as she braided it's hair this afternoon - this doll that now has the super-complicated braid that my daughter and her mom have been practicing for weeks. She is seeing the toothpaste with a hint of blood in it after our six-year old lost his first tooth and now speaks slower and with a unmistakable lisp. And she is seeing the popcorn kernels that remind her of how she got to sit, cuddle, and eat popcorn with our 4-year old during his first day of summer break as they watched Handy Manny this morning. 

Perhaps my wife and I do not see messes in the same way. But, I thank God for the way she sees the "messes" in our home. And I wouldn't want it any other way. 

We Have A Problem

Just a couple of weeks ago, during a physical, I found out that I have another hernia in need of surgical repair.

I had a hernia surgically repaired twenty years ago, when I was 13 years old. After the surgery, the surgeon told me two things that I still remember to this day. First, he said that I had probably had the hernia since I was 3. He also stated that I was likely to develop another hernia in the years to come. 

So, here I am, at the age of 33 facing the news of a second hernia. It could be much worse. And while a hernia repair is a fairly routine, outpatient surgery, the news still came as quite a shock during my recent physical. 

The doctor asked me if I had dealt with any pain from the hernia and, of course, I said "no". I had no idea that I had a hernia! 

However, since receiving the news, I can't stop thinking about my hernia. And, I am feeling the pain quite regularly and severely. 

Tonight, as I sat dealing with some sharp pains, I thought of how similar this situation is to our sin. 

There was a time in each of our lives that we were unaware of our sin problem. We had no idea that our sin was keeping us separated from the God that created us and loves us. 

But once our sin problem was brought to our attention, we began to deal with our reality. We were plagued by the nuisance  of our sin problem and painful consequences that our sin problem posed for our lives - now and forever. 

After a recent visit to a surgeon I was told that I could choose to get the needed surgical repair and take care of the problem right away. However, I was also given the option of waiting until the hernia got worse, at which time I could schedule the surgery. The surgeon did warn me that if I waited too long - and if the hernia got too severe - I would have the risk of gangrene setting in. 

In the same way, once our sin problem has been exposed - once we are diagnosed as sinners in need of salvation through Jesus Christ - we have a choice. We can accept His gracious gift of salvation right away and be free of our guilt, our shame, and the eternal consequences of our sin problem. Or we can continue to deal with the reality of our sin problem and refuse to free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. Of course, there is always the risk of waiting to long. 

And while gangrene is a horrible consequence, eternal separation from

God is much worse - and irreversible.

So, in view of your sin problem, what will you do? 

Three Questions At Night

I recently began asking these three questions to my children before we pray at night: 

What do you want to thank God for?

What do you need to ask God to forgive you for?

What do you need to ask God to help you with?