The Long Walks

I remember the early days of dating my wife. We would take long walks almost every evening and it was the highlight of my day. 

Moments spent away from the stress and strain of life. 

The burdens of life still existed, it just seemed as though they didn't matter near as much when it was just the two of us. 

The second night after we met, we walked the track at Indiana State University and ended up sitting on the bleachers - laughing and talking.

It was times such as these - when it was just the two of us - that we became the best of friends, learned about one another's character, and fell in love with each other. It was through our long walks and talks that we realized that we wanted to share life together. 

Over the past 14 years some things have changed - jobs, homes, friends, and family - and with each comes additional responsibility, stress, and burden. I will admit that I have let the romance slip over the years. I have taken less walks, had shorter conversations, and stole her away for fewer dates. 

On our wedding day I vowed to love, honor, and keep her until death separates us. Yet, looking back I have allowed the simple stresses of life to come between us. 

I think I will take my wife out today, maybe we will take a walk. 

I Knew I Loved Her

October 2nd, 2001. It had started with a simple agreement to meet. But when I saw the beauty of the young woman walking toward me I was speechless. Unable to form a coherent sentence, I walked right past her and her friend. But, not wanting this to be the end, I turned and walked with them. From 7:00 to about 7:10 I was hopeless, no words were spoken, no glances exchanged, no chemistry was seen. But then, when a disabled veteran lost his pants, we made an instant connection.

It was on this hill, on the lawn of the Quads at Indiana State University that I fell in love with Kim. After walking around the campus for more than an hour, I walked her back to her dorm and we found our way to a picnic table on the lawn of the Quads. We found ourselves talking about anything and everything that night - and into the very early morning hours.

As I said, we made a connection the moment I first spoke to her, we developed a friendship as we walked through campus, but I knew that I loved her somewhere around 2:00 am on October 3rd.

As I reminisce about the night that I met and fell in love with my - now - wife, I thank God for His hand working in various ways. I am thankful that Kim agreed to meet me that night. I am thankful that a disabled was unable to get inside without our assistance. I am thankful that his pants fell to his knees giving me the opportunity to speak to Kim for the first time. I am thankful that Kim's roommate left us alone to walk through campus that night. I am thankful that there was a picnic table to sit at on the lawn of the Quads. I am thankful that Kim never invited me up to her dorm room that night. I am thankful that we never had an awkward moment of silence that night.

I can't say just how Kim felt about me, but I know that I fell in love with her that first night we met as we talked on the lawn of the Quads. And I've fallen in love with her countless times from that day forward. 

On This Spot

Almost 14 years ago, October 2, 2001, the most beautiful girl in the world - Kim Conder - passed by me on this spot. She stole my heart and she's had it ever since.

Also with her was Anna Baldwin.

Today is an extra special day. It's always a special day when Kim Conder lets me hang around her. But today is an extra special day because today Anna Baldwin is getting married. 

Pray Together

This weekend I have the honor of officiating a good friend's wedding (whether she considers me a good friend or simply a friend by association, it doesn't much matter). And in a couple of weeks I have the blessing of officiating my brither's wedding. 

As I prepare for the wedding ceremony and reflect on marriage, my thoughts went back to a statistic reported by Cheryl Sacks in her book "Prayer-Saturated Kids".

A 1993 Gallup poll revealed that among married couples who attend church together regularly, the divorce rate is one out of two. That’s the same statistic as for marriages outside the church. However, among married couples who pray together daily, the divorce rate is one out of 1,153.

As a Pastor, of course I believe Prayer works and that it draws us closer to Christ, who helps build our marriages around His will and His way. Likewise, as a husband, I have seen that prayer brings my wife and I together. We communicate better and resolve conflict quicker when our shared prayer life is strong. 

Sacks writes, Prayer builds unity and intimacy. We become intimate to whom we pray, for whom we pray, and with whom we pray.

Randy Willis adds that this statistic highlights that couples who pray together are intentional (praying together requires intentionality). And couples who are intentional about praying together are likely to be intentional in other areas of their relationship as well. 

So, whether you are soon-to-be married, you are early in your marriage, or you have been married for a long time, let me encourage you to be intentional in your prayer life with your spouse. Begin today!

 

Seeing Messes

This weekend I will celebrate 12 wonderful years of marriage to my wife. Each year that passes I feel that we grow closer together as we share in the highs and lows of marriage, parenthood, and life. And, while I feel that we have a great marriage and a unity in our marriage, there is one thing that we greatly differ on. We do not see messes the same way! 

When I enter a room, I see the clutter - clothing, toys, and everything that is out of its place - in the room. Likewise, when I enter a room, I see the dirt - crumbs, dust, cobwebs  in the room. Now, when this clutter or dirt is someone else's home, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as if it were in my own home. When this clutter or dirt is in my home, I cannot relax until it is cleaned up. This has proven to be a problem in the past, as you can imagine. 

For years this was a point of contention between my wife and I in our home. I would enter the house after a day of work and immediately begin to pick up and to clean up the house - not just one room, but every room. Why? Because it bothered me and I knew that I would not be able to relax until it was completed. My wife would say, "just come and sit down and relax". But I can't, this mess has to be cleaned up. 

(Let me pause here and clarify that our home is not a mess. Our home hasn't really been a mess in the 12 years that we have shared a home together. So when I write that it is a "mess" understand what I mean is that there is a smudge on the window, a doll on the floor, toothpaste in the sink, or a  couple popcorn kernels on the floor.)

As I wrote before, for years this was a point of contention between my wife and I in our home. However, one day we both realized something about our spouse. She realized that I do not mind cleaning, I somewhat enjoy it (more than the cleaning itself, I enjoy the final - clean - result). She came to the understanding that I enjoy cleaning and that it not only helps me relax, it also helps me release the stress that I have acquired throughout the day. And what I realized about her is that she she does not see messes in the same way that I do. In fact, to my wife it's not a mess.

My eyes were opened to the fact that my wife's eyes see Inge differently.

So, when my eyes see the mess, what is she seeing? She is seeing the handprints of our 14-month-old on the picture window and remembering that she stood there this morning yelling "bye bye" as I pulled out of the driveway. She is seeing the doll that our 9-year old held as she braided it's hair this afternoon - this doll that now has the super-complicated braid that my daughter and her mom have been practicing for weeks. She is seeing the toothpaste with a hint of blood in it after our six-year old lost his first tooth and now speaks slower and with a unmistakable lisp. And she is seeing the popcorn kernels that remind her of how she got to sit, cuddle, and eat popcorn with our 4-year old during his first day of summer break as they watched Handy Manny this morning. 

Perhaps my wife and I do not see messes in the same way. But, I thank God for the way she sees the "messes" in our home. And I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Leaving and Cleaving

There are two principles in marriage that I talk about to couples before their wedding day and before they are married; “leaving” and “cleaving”

In the book of Genesis, God tells Adam and Eve – the first husband and wife – God says; “a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife.” A husband is called to leave his old life – all of the things in which he used to find comfort and security in – to leave them behind.  A husband is called to be united with his wife – to cleave to her in the highs and lows of life, in richer and in poorer, in sickness and in health. Out of pure love and devotion, in faithfulness and commitment

In your relationship with Jesus Christ, which do you struggle with more – leaving or cleaving?

LEAVING: Do you struggle to leave behind the sin of your past? To leave behind the things in which you used to find comfort and security in? To leave behind the things that you have grown to love?

Some have really worked at leaving their sins and their sinful life behind. They have focused on these sins and said – never again! They have waged a war on these sins in your life. And, then they find that it hasn’t worked, and somehow this sin has grown even larger.

The only way to combat sin is to fall in love with something else!

Many struggle to leave behind the sin of your past because they also struggle to cleave to Jesus.

CLEAVING: Do you struggle to stay united with Jesus? To stick with Him through the highs and lows of life? To trust Him in richer and in poorer? To depend upon Him sickness and in health?

Some believers they know about Jesus but they don’t know Jesus. Some “followers” have no idea what they are following. Some Christians don’t even enjoy being with Christ.

There is so much more to a life in Jesus Christ than salvation. We are invited to follow Jesus out of pure love and devotion. We are urged to live in Jesus, being faithful and committed.

Live In Jesus Christ

My wife and I will celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary in May. Never, in the course of these 10 years have I thought of cheating on her or being unfaithful to her. Never have I even been tempted to break that commitment that I have made to her in the presence of God and our families. 

And although this is something that I recognize as a wonderful thing, it is not something that I speak of often or that I boast about with great pride. Why? Because being faithful to my wife is an expectation of me as her husband. 

And, strikes me that many Christians consider unfaithfulness to our spouse as an unthinkable act. But, so often, we live as though our commitment to Jesus Christ isn’t as important as our commitment to our spouse.

In Colossians 2:6-7, the Apostle Paul writes this;

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

To be saved means that we have received salvation - that we have been rescued from harm, danger or loss and that we have been redeemed from the consequences of sin. To be saved means that we have received Jesus Christ - Jesus is the only one that has the power to redeem us from the consequences of sin.

We claim our salvation in Jesus Christ with great pride – and we should. But, you see, salvation is only the beginning.

A lot of people have received salvation and they have received Jesus Christ. But for so many this seems to be the stopping point. A lot of people are redeemed from the consequences of sin and then they continue to live a life of sin.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

A great example of living a life in Jesus Christ - being rooted and grounded in Him - is marriage. Marriage is more than wearing a wedding ring – it is a relationship. It takes on its meaning by the daily choices we make and the ways we respond to the pressures around us.

The Apostle Paul is urging The Church to stay grounded in our relationship with Jesus; established in faith. He is writing to people who have already received Jesus and are striving to live a life in Him. He is writing to people are struggling with the challenge of living out this relationship, in a world where Satan is attacking. Many of us, as Christians, we struggle in the same way - and we’re not always faithful to Jesus. 

But once we confess Christ we become part of His Church and we are bound to Him as a bride is to her groom. And Jesus wants more than the wedding day, He wants what every groom wants. Jesus wants to have a relationship with us, a relationship that is exclusive, a relationship that grows and flourishes.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

A Thankful Perspective

A couple of things happened this last week that has brought me a new perspective:

Saturday: our youngest son was taken to the emergency room and we spent a total of five hour with him there as the doctor and nurses evaluated his condition.

• While at the hospital I was advised that the tire on our van was flat, soon finding that we had run over a nail.

Sunday: our youngest son was taken to the emergency room twice, then hospitalized overnight. 

• Both my wife and I stayed late into the night with our son in the hospital and stayed up until the early hours of the morning praying, worrying, and praying.
• My wife also spent the night and entire next day with him in the hospital, her absence was felt in a major way.

Monday: our oldest son woke up with a cold, he was unable to go to school.

• My wife and youngest are able to come home in the late afternoon but we are all exhausted from the previous days hospital visits.
• Our youngest wakes up at 3:30 a.m. and decides that he has enough sleep for the night.

Tuesday: our daughter woke up with a slight cold, we were sure she would be the next to get the full-blown virus. 

• Our oldest is still not able to go to school instead we decide to take him to the doctor, finding out that he has croup. 
• Our youngest has adopted a new sleeping schedule that does not include the hours of 3:00 to 6:00 a.m. (some of my favorite hours to sleep).

Friday: our car is unable (or unwilling) to start, the battery is dead.

• The new vehicle models completely lock up when the battery is dead, the trunk will not open, the key is locked in the ignition, and the transmission is locked in park.   
• We have inconveniently parked the car in front of the garage and are unable to get our van out.

Saturday: I threw my back out.

Now, given all of these things, some might think that our family had a right to be a bit tired or grumpy, or even to complain a few times. I might agree if it weren't for what happened on Thursday. On Thursday I had the opportunity to listen to a sermon from Gateway Church located in Caledonia, Ontario (not one of the typical podcasts that I listen to) on the topic of giving thanks to God. In this message they spoke  about the need to be thankful for the large and small gifts from God and introduced the concept; "1,000 to be thankful for". 

Not only did I grab a notebook on Thursday and begin to list some things that I am thankful for, I began sharing them with my family and church family, and I have continued, these last few days, to write more and more things that I have to be thankful for - gifts that God is bringing to me and to our family every day. 

And, through this process I have gained a new perspective, in marriage, in parenting, in pastoring, and in life. 

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2

Testimony in Terms of Sin

I recently finished reading D. Michael Henderson's "Making Disciples One Conversation at a Time" and very much appreciated the insight and knowledge that he brought to the subject of evangelism and discipleship. But it was one particular quote that caused me to stop and contemplate my walk with Christ;

“I groan when I hear Christians give their testimonies in terms of sin. It’s like a man speaking at his own 25^th wedding anniversary talking about all the girls he gave up to marry his wife. ‘Yes, I remember the day when I forsook all others and took only to her.’ Get over it, man. Tell me about the quality of your relationship, the family you’ve reared the things you’ve accomplished as a team.”  (pg. 178)

The point is, being a follower of Jesus Christ is no more a system to manage sin than marriage is a system to control adultery. But so many are living this way, rather than expecting a constant, daily victory over sin, rather than experiencing the relationship with Christ, the joy of walking with Him, and the triumphs of accomplishing His will, they muddle through as if this is what Christ intended when He said in John 10:10, “I have come that you may have life,  and have it to the fullest.”

We, as followers of Christ, have to move past this idea that following Christ is just about overcoming sin and we have got to start walking with Him and experiencing Him fully.

Remembering and Rekindling the Relationship

For Valentine's Day my wife asked me not to buy her flowers. Due to the cost of cards these days we decided that we were not going to spend money on them when we can just as easily tell each other how we feel and the cards usually end up in the garbage within a couple of days. And due to our schedules and the inability to find a sitter for the kids (due a bit to laziness on my part) on Valentine's Day we were not able to enjoy a date or even dinner alone.

But, something needed to be done for my wife on Valentine's Day so I made some last minute preparations, put the kids to bed and presented my wife with a box of scrapbooks, pictures notes, letters, and cards from our dating years and early married life. Along with this box I gathered up some music from our past and we enjoyed sitting together and walking down memory lane and remembering our journey up to this point. It was quite nice and is something that we have not taken the time to do for some time.

As we looked through this box of memories and talked I came to several conclusions; (1) I love my wife, (2) I used to be much more romantic than I am today, (3) I used to take time to do the little and special things, and (4) I need to start honoring my wife the way I honored her while we were dating and during the "honey moon" stage.

These last few days this continues to run through my mind as I look to find ways to honor her more and show her just how much I do love her and I have found that it is a lot more difficult than it used to be and that I am out of practice in this area.

A gentleman came to me today and we got to talking about the way he used to feel when he came to Christ, the way he was "on fire" to learn about Christ, develop a relationship with Him, tell other people about Christ, and serve in the church. And he asked; "What happened?" He said that anymore he just doesn't have the drive to do any of these things and finds that it is difficult to even make it to church anymore. As we talked more I came to understand that; (1) this man still loves Christ, nothing has changed that, (2) he used to be more passionate and "on fire" in his relationship with Christ, (3) the time and energy he used to spend serving Christ was not thought of as a sacrifice, and (4) he desperately needs to get back to the habits that he used to have for loving Christ and serving Him.

 There is great danger when we neglect to be romantic and show the love for our spouses, the chemistry within a marriage decreases, our spouse begins to wonder if the love still exists, and soon we find that the marriage is hanging by a thin string. In the same way, when we neglect to love Christ and push through the wall that Satan and the world is constantly putting in front of us, we soon find that we that our relationship with Christ is hanging by a thin string.

If this is where you are I urge you to sit down with Christ, walk down memory lane, and remember your journey with Him up to this point. He will reveal memories to you and will rekindle the passion and the relationship that you have with Him.

because that's the way dad did it

The other night I was putting the kids to bed and, in addition to our regular bedtime routine, I told them good night in a very strange voice with some added motions. My wife, Kim, asked me what I was doing, why I used these voices, and why I used these particular motions. My answer was simple; "because that's the way dad did it".

This simple phrase really got me thinking as the night went on. I began to think of the many actions I take, the many routines that I follow every day "because that's the way dad did it".

My dad would do some of the simplest things on a daily basis that seemed to have had a great impact on my life. piggy-back or horsey-back rides to bed that seemed to last for an hour, potty-breaks in the middle of the night so that we would break that pesky bed-wetting problem, making up silly songs with us and about us, trapping us in a make-believe cave while wrestling with us at the same time, giving us rides on his shoulders when we seemed to tired to take another step, giving us rides on his feet when we needed a laugh, and many other memorable things that he did that I think back on and can't help sharing with my children too. But it is not just the fun activities that my dad passed down to me that I share with my children, it also seems to be the disciplines, making them drink all of their milk before they get up from the table, ensuring that they treat their mom, my wife, with respect and are never cruel, giving them "the look" or even "the voice" when they behave inappropriately in public and especially at church, and making sure that they say their prayers before meals and bed every night.

I thought not only of my children, the way that I treat them, the way that I raise them, but also about my wife and my marriage. The small things that my dad did for my mom remain in my head and they seem to have made it to my marriage as well. Opening the door for my wife whenever possible, surprising her with unexpected gifts throughout the year, making the holidays (especially the Christmas season) a special time, and many more.

All of this helped me to realize just how much of an impact fathers have on the lives of their children. Often times as a father we may wonder if the things that we do really serve a purpose and if it is all really worth it, let me say that it is. Sometimes the actions, the little things that we do may seem to be unappreciated and we may feel that no one cares, perhaps even that no one notices. Yet, in the same way that a rock is smoothed and forms under the gentle pressure of a stream, over time fathers are making a huge impact on their children and on their family. If you are a father and you are doubting yourself, your role, and the responsibilities that you are carrying out, just know that, as time goes on, as children mature and advance, your impact and your legacy is being established.

Further, if you are a follower of God, the one true God who created the heaven and the earth, the God that loves and cares for you and me more than we could ever imaging, "that's the way dad did it" carries a higher meaning to you and should impact the way that you lead your family. Our God is a God that governs with mercy, love, and forgiveness. Our God is a God that teaches His children at the various ages and stages as they grow and mature along side Him. Our God is a God that never leaves and never forsakes his children. Our God is a God that keeps His love as the focus of all judgments, actions, and disciplines. But, in order for a believer to say "that's the way dad did it" we need to be familiar with our Father in Heaven, we need to be walking with Him as He is guiding us, teaching us, and maturing us in our personal journey with Him.

Romans 8:15 says: "but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." If it's been a while, your Father wants to hear from you and He wants to make it clear the way that He does it, which is the only way to do it.